I'm married but feel lonely ,I'm bless with 2 lovely kids after series of miscarriages with no just cause yet was never appreciated. My hubby sees me like a piece of furniture, a liability and a good for nothing fellow. He doesn't want me to get a job or even own a business to make earns meet, each time I raised the issue of getting a job they will be war in my home. He doesn't pay any allowance except feeding money where I manage to make extra money for my upkeep and to help my parent and siblings the little way I can. I graduated from the university of Calabar, but it was when I was in my final year NUC came and refuse to accredit my department so we couldn't go for NYSC. I was so devastated my dad retired from the police force that same year nobody to help even if I had wanted to continue with my studies. So I stayed at home with my parents no job, boredom etc. I decided to get married to see if my life will change at least.(Biggest mistake of my life). It became from frying pan to fire.I hear am o! living with my brother inlaws was hell in lagos i endured till transfer came and we left lagos for Abuja. Abuja was like me coming back home cos my parent are based in Abuja, I decided to bring up the issue of going back to school to my hubby he got angry that he didn't send me to that 419 school (that's unical ) and I told him ok send me to the school that's not 419 na he ignored me. He doesn't want me to go back to school, open a business for me to run he said NO MONEY, that how much gain will I make. Even if is 50kobo at least I ll be leaving the house he said no money. Ok give me money let me be doing buying and selling at least from home he said no. He asked me am I hungry? I became depressed. And he's this kind of person when you ask for money from him you will give him details why you want the money and how you spent the money or you don't even ask at all. My mother in law ask what am I doing is that I just sat down there and doing nothing? He answered n told her he doesn't want me working who will take of the kids? Can u imagine that I should remain a house wife for life. I took the bull by the horn and decided to go back to school from my little savings and little money,denied myself all the pleasures of life, patronise bend down select (okrika) just to meet up. Started learning how to sew online to keep body and soul busy . This same man that said he doesn't have money for anything for me sent his younger brother to Lagos to acquire skills in soap making the industrial way making bar soaps, comestic soap etc, built a 5 bedroom house for him in the village where he ll use 3 of the rooms for his work shop or rather mini factory, bought a car for him to help him dispatched his goods after production, hmmm what really surprised me most was that he made his younger brother NEXT OF KIN when I stumbled upon that documents I was shocked after 7 years in marriage with kids a boy and a girl he couldn't change it and when I comfronted him he said it was when he first got the job and forgot to change it. To cut the long story short I managed and graduated from school against all odds there came the real WAR. I should not go for my NYSC I should apply for exemption and when i ask why? He said what am I going there to do people better than me that graduated long before me don't have a job is me that will now get and I replied my case is different in Jesus name since I can't get a decent job without nysc cerificate nothing is stopping me this time around. He flared up called my parents his tired of the marriage and when they ask him why he said he ask me not to go for Nysc I still insisted that I must go. My dad asked him why don't you want her to go for nysc, what do you want her to be doing sitting down@home doing nothing? He couldn't answer my father he left . He stop Speaking to me for 9 good months. (Malice under the same roof) he stops giving me feeding money, he practically goes to the market to buy things ordinarily I should do,that I want to eat his money. He doesn't go to church but believes in all this fetish things from the village. I told him severally you don't fight devil with devil any day I mention that to him the house will be hot for us all. He don't mind spending millions on fetish things his brother tells him to do. I'm tired of this hell called marriage I have prayed and fasted but is not just working. I don't want the marriage again ,no peace, no love, querreling and fighting every day I'm tired. I'm scared for my life and that of my children cause i know theres always a repacaution in visiting herberlist. Traditionally I can't go out cos once you are married from their village no man can be with u Cos if you do the consequences is very bad. In Benue we call it "ALEKWU". He keeps rubbing it to my face while him the man can move from one woman to the other. Is this no move from one woman to the other. Is this not punishment enough yet I don't have rest of mind.He gave me conditions to choose is either the marriage or NYSC. Of course I chose Nysc I went to camp came back thinking he must have flung my bags outside only for me to come and meet the news that he's been asked to resign from his job. The rejected "NYSC"allawee became our chief corner stone. And I'm so glad I did went for my nysc. My fear now is that he patronage for herberlist has increased I was sick of resent I had acute malaria n tyhoid he called his brother to confirm if it is the ALEKWU has caught me but I thanked God for my life . I fear for my life and that of my children cause his thoughts towards me are that of evil, I complained to my dad he's say he's not an advocate for divorce and he ll change and what happens to his children he will collect them from me . I can't remember when last he slept with me, he doesn't talk to me, I'm always in my room alone . I'm so depressed pretending to be happy even when am dying