Is It Really Necessary For You To Beat Your Child?

In Nigeria, let’s face it we live by the adage of “spare the rod and spoil the child”, this has prompted a lot of parents to beat their children sometimes to the extreme. This of course goes beyond parents disciplining their children. Sometime ago it was reported that a man flogged his son and tied him up overnight for being stubborn and difficult.

In March, a man in Rivers state beat up his seven year old son to death for allegedly stealing 3000 naira.  While it is very bad for a child to steal and beating the child would seem like the right thing to do for every Nigerian parent, could there have been a better way to handle the matter? Last month we also reported that a pregnant mother of two beat her eight year old house help until the girl died

Brainwave Trust senior researcher Keryn O'Neill said positive approaches to limit setting, as part of warm, loving, parenting were likely to work better.

"Firm and fair limits are helpful, but a focus on obedience, strict rules with punitive discipline, and failure to explain the reasons for rules are all associated with poorer child outcomes.

"So too is physical punishment, which among other things doesn't teach children about more appropriate alternative behaviour," O'Neill wrote in a review of the research.

Parenting experts also advised stressed parents to think twice before resorting to smacking. Here are Plunket's tips for alternative ways to discipline children:

• Think about why a child is behaving the way they are. Keep calm so you are able to respond rather than react.
• Children need to know their boundaries and limits.
• Children need consequences that are respectful, reasonable and related.

Instead it is believed that Positive Discipline is the key. There are key principles to help children grow into happy and capable adults, Plunket said:

• Love and warmth: be affectionate and give lots of praise.
• Talking and listening: learning how to talk to your children and listen to them is important. Talk with your children as much as you can and listen to what they say to you. Be realistic about what they can and can't do.
• Guidance and understanding: talk to your children about how their behaviour affects others. This encourages social responsibility. Be clear about what you would like them to do and not do, and the reasons why.
• Limits and boundaries: children need to know and understand the rules and limits. It helps their acceptance if such rules are okay for their age, fair and positive. Have as few rules as possible and stick to them.
• Consistency and consequences: be consistent as a parent's words and actions need to match. Don't tell them one thing and then do another. Try to respond in the same way to your child's behaviour each time.
• A structured and secure world: think about things you can do to structure your child's world. For example, don't try taking them to the supermarket when they're tired and hungry. Make your house childproof and be consistent with routines.

The question now is as a typical Nigerian parent would you consider another method of discipline other than beating your child? 

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