Why Nigerian Parents Fail to Discuss Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse happens in Nigeria.

Sadly many Nigerian parents choose to deny or ignore this fact.

Child sexual abuse is the deliberate exposure of minor children to sexual activity. This means a child is forced or talked into sex or sexual activities by an adult.

It can be very difficult to talk about sexual abuse and even more difficult to acknowledge that sexual abuse of children of all ages including infants happens every single day in Nigerian homes.

Over the weekend, we published a post on our Facebook page, giving tips to parents, who are told by their children that they have been sexually abused.

We got a lot of comments on this post, but most of them were along the lines of,

"God forbid bad thing."

 

"Not my portion, Insha Allah."

 

"Its not my portion, my God will protect my children, Amen."

While we agree with these comments, we also believe that by being in denial of the existence of child sexual abuse, Nigerian parents can sometimes allow this horrible and life changing experience to happen in their homes.

The following are 7 reasons why Nigerian parents do not discuss child sexual abuse.

1. It cannot happen to my child. God forbid.

This No 1 reason is why this occurs. Nigerian parents need to realize that sexual abuse happens and can happen. Our children are surrounded by people we trust or do not trust, househelps, cooks, gatemen, drivers, relatives and even our spouses. There are many stories of Nigerian female children being sexually molested by their uncles and even fathers. It is real!

If one were to ask any Nigerian parent whose child had been sexually abused if they ever thought their child would be sexually abused they would say no.

2. This kind of thing doesn't happen where we live.

Wrong. It can happen everywhere, knowing no socio-economic or tribal boundaries, no matter what religion you practice, and it can it happen even when you least expect it.

3. Our children know better than to let this happen to them.

Wrong. A significant percent of all child sexual abuse occurs at the hands of someone known to the child and trusted by the parents.

Many children are overwhelmed by the persistence of adults who will want to have their way with them. And it becomes worse when it is an adult they trust or look up to.

4. My child is not old enough for this discussion.

Experts in this field say that the appropriate age to begin the discussion about child sexual abuse prevention is when a child is able to talk e.g. around their 2nd birthday.

Explain to your child that he or she should tell Mommy, Daddy, or a teacher if someone does touch her or him in those private parts.

It’s also important to teach them the proper words for their private parts and who they can talk to if anyone touches them in a way that feels uncomfortable.

5. I don't want to scare my child.

Wrong.

According to Jill Starishevsky, author of the book My Body Belongs to Me, when handled properly, children find this message empowering and are not frightened at all.

Teaching body safety is extremely important.

6. I would know if something happened to my child.

Wrong.

Child sexual abuse is actually difficult to detect. There are often no visible signs, and the emotional and behavioral signs may be caused by a variety of triggers. Sometimes parents are the last to know that their child is being sexually abused.

7. My child would tell me if something happened to him or her.

Possibly.

Although most children don’t immediately disclose what is happening to them. This is because they are typically told by the abuser that doing so is wrong and will make them unhappy.

Our advice? BE ALERT, BE AWARE, TALK ABOUT IT!

Comments

Comments