My Journey In Life After My Husband Left Our Children

We are not doing great neither are we doing bad after my husband left three years ago in search of a life that doesn't involve our kids nor me, we are struggling today, without him.

I'm struggling today and so are my kids.

I didn't even imagine myself being a parent, talk of being an only parent, but here I am. I am Ariyiike a single mother to a 5-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy; the two kids who so badly want to know where their father is; the two kids who, in their curiosity and want for a father are never satisfied with the answers I give them about him.

But how can I answer their question, when I don't even know the answer to it? That's how bad it is.

Till now, I can't relate to how a father can be so callous as to turn his back against his own children. I find it hard to understand how he does not feel any love towards this two totally loving and easy to love beings.

No need to cry over spilt milk though, he left us, all of us, and that's the reality. What choice have I then than to be strong and pick up the pieces of our life and two broken children then try my best to put them back together functionally? None I guess, and that's what I've been doing, although some days I find it hard to do so because I'm down myself.

When I picture parenthood, this wasn't what I pictured. A home filled with warmth, where two people can work together to give my kids the best, two parents who are worth much more were my wishes. I wanted the best for my kids, but now, I don't feel like I can give them much.

If parenthood is hard, you can imagine how much hard single motherhood will be. I feel guilty and ashamed that I'm giving my children less than they deserve. I also fear and worry and although those feelings are not peculiar to single moms alone, it's much worse for single mothers.

I know someday, some way I'll get through this, and so will my kids and when we do we'll look back at where we are coming from and be proud of how far we have come. That's not going to happen today though, neither will it happen if I don't keep trying and be strong for my kids.

And that's why today I Ariyike stand strong and firm resolving to ride the storms of life, and even though when I look ahead, the storm seems daunting and about to swallow me, and the need to sit down, stop trying and succumb to my grief is heavy upon my soul.

But when I look back and see my children, children who are waiting patiently for me to give them some direction on which way to go, it will be cowardly to stop.

And so I can't stop here.

I don't know where destiny is taking us, neither do I know how we will get there, but I'm sure of one thing; that I will not give up. We may fall down, we may get lost, our legs might hit rocks, our expectations might be dashed and our footing might falter but we; my kids and I are not stopping here.

It's not their fault that they didn't get what they deserve in a father, but I will not stop until they get what they deserve out of life. And if I have to sleep 2 hours out of 24 hours, so be it. As long as they get THERE.

And although I never imagined I'd be a single mother, neither did I imagine I'd be gifted with two loving kids who I love much more than life itself. This is going to be a long ride and it's not going to be easy, but I hold in my hands two kids who are larger than life itself to me. Promising hope that was lost, real love that I never had, a new life that is just beginning.

And if you are waiting to hear the end of my story, I'm sorry to disappoint you, because my story doesn't end here.

NO, this is just the beginning of my journey. A journey that we just started with renewing hopes. Together, my kids and I will weather the storms of life and prevail!