How Having Children Can Affect Your Relationship With Your Spouse

The process of welcoming a child into the world is very scary and exciting at the same time, it makes you ask a lot of questions about yourself and your spouse. Now that the baby has finally arrived you get to see a lot of things that you never noticed about your significant other.

This brings us to the question of how having a baby changes the dynamic of your relationship. Marriage is usually an eye opener in so many ways, they say you never really know someone until you marry the person but how about when you give birth?

Having a baby usually comes with a lot of responsibilities that put a lot of strain on any relationship. This strain can either be a financial strain or a psychological strain. You begin to buy a lot of things that you probably never even heard of before, you are hardly sleeping all through the night like before.  It is at this moment that you usually begin to realise that you are no longer really in charge of anything.

It begins to feel like 24hours in a day is actually not enough. While you still have your independence to an extent after marriage, after giving birth to a child you realise that you will not always come first because you need to cater to someone’s needs before yours.

While all this can be very overwhelming and daunting, you begin to realise that your life will never be the same again. You then begin to notice that your relationship with your spouse has changed. You probably don't gist as much, you probably don't even have time to have s*x as much.

According to Psychology Today, here are five ways to keep your relationship strong after having a baby:

• Recognize that this is hard for both of you- While it is common to play the blame game, you have to realise that this change is hard on the both of you. It might not seem like it because you feel like you are getting the brunt of the work I mean you carried the baby for nine months, have to breastfeed hourly, your body has changed drastically and deal with all the post partum recovery process. While all this is valid you have to realize that even though your situation compared with that of your spouse is different, it is still hard on the two of you.
• Set aside time to work through difficulties- At this point it is easier to push things to the back burner and retreat to your own space but that would not do either of you any good. Talk to each other and work through whatever difficulties you may have. This would help avoid any form of resentment or bitterness.
• When you do talk, talk effectively. Expressing your anger and frustration in a way that doesn't cause your partner to feel defensive. According to Sarah Best, a Psychotherapist, avoiding direct criticism and being specific about what you need from your partner. "Saying, 'I'm feeling really overwhelmed and would really appreciate you giving the baby a bath tonight,' will probably go over a lot more smoothly than saying, 'You don't help!'
• Find time to connect- "The most important ingredient for intimacy is staying connected, period," says Best. She also recommends talking about what you both miss from your pre-baby days. Communication goes a long way.
• "Parent" each other. Most of us have far more patience, compassion, and forgiveness for our children than we do for our partners. When your baby cries for no apparent reason, you may do everything in your power to soothe her, but "when our partners snap at us in the mildest way we become indignant," Best points out. "If you can take the compassionate approach you have for your children and offer that to your partner, it will go a long way."

While all this changes are going on around you and may feel very overwhelming, it is best for you to realize that if that your spouse is still your best friend and carving out time to be a couple will help strengthen your relationship.

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