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I’ve noticed that my child lies to me. How can I stop it?
I have an eight year old daughter who will lie about anything. It could be something like what grades she got at school to why she didn’t do her homework.
She also exaggerates to make her stories more dramatic or to make herself sound bigger. It’s come to the point where I don’t take anything she says at face value.
She is not a bad kid, but I just don’t understand why she lies so often, especially when telling the truth would be easier. How can I stop it?
2 Answers
Dealing with lying is frustrating and confusing for many parents. Unfortunately, many children lie or tell fibs.
Children lie for many reasons e.g. to cover their tracks, to get out of something they don’t want to do, and to fit in with their peers. Sometimes children tell white lies to protect other people.
If your child tells so many stories and adds so much embroidery to her accounts of daily life that you cannot be sure what is true and what is not, it may be time to make it clear to her why telling the truth matters.
Point out that you really need to be able to distinguish between what is true and what is not, so as to be sure of knowing when something important has happened to her or when she is really feeling ill or scared.
When your daughter tells a lie, giving a lecture about why this is wrong is probably not going to help them change their behavior.
Start a discussion with your daughter about honesty and dishonesty, and why they choose to lie. Focus on the problem your daughter is trying to solve instead of on the morality of lying. Tell your daughter lying is wrong, you can say ‘Lying is hurtful and, in our home, we tell the truth.’
Don’t make it a moral issue. Make it a technical issue. You broke the law. You broke the rules. These are your consequences. Tell your daughter the consequences of lying e.g. not going swimming for a month, not watching TV for a week etc.
Overall lying may be as a result of what is learnt at home. Children are very perceptive and they can tell you when you are lying to them. If there’s something you don’t want to discuss with your child, just tell them that they are too young to know. Sometimes when we are honest with our children, our children respond equally the same way.
Be careful of what you say or do in the presence of your kids. Probably it was learnt from someone very close to her. Always show good examples and make sure every other person around her do too ( Dad, siblings etc).
