Do you know that it is possible to for us parents to get addicted to our children?

The truth is, anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction – even our children! If your children are your whole life,  if you don’t have someone who truly loves you or are in a relationship that you are not passionate about, then you might be using your children to fill up the empty place within you.

Some women in unhappy or unfulfilled marriages, use their kids as a major source of emotional connection. To them their children, are their whole lives, the only thing they have to live for. If you feel that your spouse or the relationship you have with him or her is not fulfilling, and so you spend all your time with your kids or thinking about them, then you might be using your kids as your major source of emotional connection.

If this is what you are doing, it is not good for your children, as it places a huge burden on them to be responsible for their parent’s loneliness and sense of purpose. Children who feel this sense of responsibility often become caretakers, giving themselves, their freedom, their goals and dreams up to cater to a parent’s feelings, happiness or emotions. On the other hand, a child that is burdened with this responsibility may rebel and distance his/herself from the parent. They may end up spending less and less time at home or avoiding being at home all together, to avoid the burden of their parent’s emptiness. Single children in particular, may find themselves to be the sole and only focus of their parents.

If you often feel bored and useless when your children are not around then you might be addicted to your kids. Some women find that their sense of worth is attached to their children’s achievements and so they tend to take it personally if one of their children has a problem. Some are so over-involved in their children’s lives, that they have no interests or perform no other activities without the involvement of their kids.

Your children need to be a part of your life, but not your whole life. We as parents need to find other sources of joy or comfort. Some people find that spending time praying, offers them comfort and solace, others find joy in hobbies like sewing, knitting, writing etc. Some parents might even find watching television or listening to music, relaxing and soothing. A lot of Nigerian women in particular, find happiness in dressing up in expensive laces, shoes and bags and going to parties with their friends.

Find something that gives you joy. You should be a role-model to your children, show them that it is their responsibility to make themselves happy and fulfilled, rather than relying on others to be their source of happiness. Your children want to know that they are important to you, but not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them.

Are you addicted to your children?

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