I was in Church on Sunday and it was our Pastor’s wife’ 50th birthday celebration. The service was longer than usual and everyone was in a celebration mode. The celebrant was all joyous, she came wearing her dancing shoes. She could not hide her excitement for what God has done in her life. I was reading through the programme of the event we were given at entrance, from what I read, she loves God a lot followed by her family.

She does not joke with her children. When she was giving the vote of thanks, she was joined by her husband and kids. She didn’t cease to mention how much of what God has done in her life, in the life of her husband and that of her kids. She made a special request to couples looking for the fruit of the womb to come to the altar so she could pray for them. A number of them came out, but I was keen on a particular couple.

I was a youth in church when they got married, they are both workers in church. The wife is a member of the choir while the husband is a youth leader. They love each and it is clear they love God. I got married 3 years after their wedding. They both attended the naming ceremonies of my two kids.  They seem to have everything but that just one thing is missing; for God to bless them with the fruit of the womb.

Some months ago when the wife came to pay me a friendly visit to enquire why have not been coming to church for consecutively two weeks, I told her how my son was ill and we got talking, she confided in me of how much they’ve been trying and all the efforts they’ve putting into it. Going from one fertility clinic to another, taking fertility treatments, they’ve even tried IVF but it just did not click. To her, they’ve exhausted all options but that of God and it is only God they are waiting on for it to happen.

I love the fact that they had faith in God to do it, they didn’t let that dictate their lives or make them bitter or suck or write it on their forehead that this is their problem. They are always in a jolly and jovial mood. When she was about to leave, she prayed for my family, I could not help but admire her spirit.  I said a prayer for her in my heart. It made me reflect looking at my life, of how much blessings I’m surrounded with and how ungrateful I am.

I don’t know what it means to be trying to conceive. On the night of our wedding, the sex we had led to pregnancy and I had a boy. 15 months after, I was pregnant with another baby again without even trying, it came as a surprise to find out I was pregnant. I had a baby girl nine months after. My husband is doing well in his career and so am I. We are comfortable in most ways but on some days when we are looking forward to a promotion or passing a professional exams and it just didn’t turn out the way we wanted, I remember how I will suck and feel bad like God does not have me in mind.

Looking back at it now, I feel like an ungrateful child that you buy Pepsi for and is crying that it is Coke he/she wants. That is who I am. I don’t know what God has done for me, but counting my blessings, I have realized it now. Because I know some couples that don’t have kids at all or those that have a child and are finding it difficult to have another one, battling with secondary infertility.

Do I want to say I’m better than they are or they that they don’t know God as I do, me that I’m just a church goer, I know how many times I have stabbed church. God is just kind and merciful to me and I will still be whining to him over little things like that lipstick or powder I want to buy or that shoe I want to buy in another colour. When there are people that have pressing matters.

I resolved that I will stop being an ungrateful daughter no matter the situation I find myself, I will always give thanks to God. I know I’m not the only one that does not cherish what God has done, many of us feel like we are entitled  to it. It’s time to count your blessings and give thanks for the littlest of things like breathing! I don’t take the fact that I am alive for granted.  Be thankful for both the big and the little things. For prayers answered and unanswered. And while it’s sometimes hard to do be thankful, I’m trying.