What Kept Our Marriage Together After Having Kids

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Before getting married and having kids I had a clear picture of what I want my married life to be like, I had pictures of me shopping with my husband at a shopping mall, looking so happy and my husband pushing our toddler in the cart, the older kids cooing to the baby and laughing out loud, my husband consulting me as to which is the best product to buy. And then when we get home we’d hold hands as we lovingly empty our shopping bags.

Our marriage is 15 years now, we have three kids as I’ve always wanted and most times, I go shopping with my hubby, there are times we shopped apart, on those times when it couldn’t be helped.

It’s practically impossible to do everything together, I know since we have different taste, interest, different friends, have different taste in music and there are days when he’d go out with his friends on outings, on such days I’d be at home with the kids.

On the days when I want to be out with my friends, he wouldn’t mind staying with of the kids, I might come back to meet the whole house in a mess and his head decorated in pink by my daughter but yes, he does take care of them.

When I talk about my husband minding the kids while I go out with my friends, my friends often wonder how on earth I can get him to agree to that, “women are the minders, men are the ones that have all the fun.” They often say, I don’t try explaining.

We see some movies together, but not a lot since he likes science and fiction and I’m more into heart touching stories. I once went to watch Star Trek movie with him and I can’t even remember the details again, and he has seen a couple of romantic movies with me, the trick is to indulge each other.

 And I must say, doing things apart has kept our relationship healthy and interesting. We might not have the same interest but we support each other’s pursuits and dreams because we don’t see each other as different entities, if one of us is not moving forward then, it’s the problem that has to be solved by us both.
My husband had a presentation that meant so much to his career, I left some other things to help him set up some things, had him present to me first at home and believe me when he bagged the deal he came back home, knelt in front of me and cried like a baby, “I couldn’t have done this without you” he whispered.
The same way he helped me with training my voice and reading for my MSc exams. Sometimes the indulgence is too much I often get comments like “I hope he appreciates you letting him do that,” and this surprises me, my husband doesn’t need my approval to do something that makes him happy.
That you don’t have the same interest with your other half shouldn’t stop you from spending time together, I hate traveling but we travel places together once in a while because he does. On days he works late at night the kids and I—or sometimes just me—will wait for him no matter what time it is that he’d know not to come home too late.
Sometimes, all a family needs to stay together is to indulge each other, tolerate each other and remember you are a team, and at such should look for each other’s success, do this, and when you fight and make up.

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