I hear it all the time; “Are you his nanny?” And when I say “No” they’ll apologise, “you just look too young to be his mom” “I know right” I’ll respond and give them my fake smile.
If they are seriously expecting me to give them a brief history of how I became a young mom, then they are seriously deluded.
The ruder ones will be like “You have a baby? But you are more of a baby yourself” Or “Are you the nanny…?” To these ones I don’t bother to be nice either, “I’m his mom, and it’s none of your nosy business, how young I am” I would reply.
Yeah, I’m too young to be a mom and I agree. Shortly after I finished secondary school, my boyfriend then and I had sex and well, I was so lucky(heh heh) to get pregnant after my first sexual experience. I didn’t consider abortion, it didn’t just come to mind.
Now my child is 3 years old, I was 18 when I was pregnant with him but now I look like a grown up, I have my own apartment(not very comfy) and an empty bank account. I managed to finish my national diploma and I’m lucky to have a full-time job although it’s not paying much.
When I decided to keep my child, I knew I would be a very young mom; but as I try to forget, people who I don’t even give a rat’s nest about reminding me. And directly too, as if gently castigating me. I mean I can’t walk up to someone and ask “Is that your baby? You look like his nanny” half surprised, half accusing, but people do it, and it never stops amazing me how nosy people can be.
It happens a lot, you get comments like “Are you his grandma? (if you’re an old mom), and if you’re a young mom “Are you his nanny or aunty?” If you have too many children or too few, people will surely speculate and talk.
I was on a queue at the supermarket one day when an old woman in front of me, looked back, seeing my baby she said, “Is he your baby? A baby having a baby, how nice!” I fumed in anger, how dare the old witch make me feel like I’m incapable? Does she even know how much love and care I give my child and what I go through to do it?” The fire was in my eyes, but I didn’t say a word.
That same day, I got the same question from 2 different people, of course, she didn’t know it got to me because two other people have asked me that question that same day, neither does she know that I dread having to answer another question about my age. They probably assume I’m the kind of young woman which is portrayed as a “never do good” and whose only achievement is having babies like a mother pig and whose babies will end up not being looked after properly.
When I freshly had my baby, it was very tough and irritating, but now? I find it very amusing. I have proven myself to be a competent woman, I have a job, and I’m working on continuing my education soon. Yes, I’m only 21, but I look younger than my age and I have a child, my confidence is soaring by the day.
In the beginning, it wasn’t easy at all. I almost died of embarrassment and shame. I was anxious over the comments and scared I’ll make a bad mom. I lied about my age to people when they ask me. How else was I supposed to handle the accusing questions?
Now that I think about it, not only did people judged me, I judged myself and that makes it all too much to handle. I thought I couldn’t be enough for my child because that’s what people who ask me questions think. I began to compare myself to the “real moms” What are they offering my child that I’m not. I pushed myself so hard to be more than enough for my child.
And I was too young to realize that people are not judging me because they have some insight that I can’t be a good mom but because grown-ups are just a good judge of others. Humans are judgmental and insecure both inside and outside. And because most people just find it hard to put off their nose from other people’s business, and so they are rude and inappropriate. Their reaction, however, doesn’t mean we are incapable, but a reflection of who they really are.
I was so worried then about a lot of things, I wish I knew I would do just fine, and that things will be okay, I wish someone had told me there are a few advantages to being a young mom, I wish I knew how my age wouldn’t matter at all as I become more experienced and confident in being a mother.
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