There are people who ask me if I miss my child when I’m away from him for a long time, and the answer they always get is a “No.”
Obviously, this wasn’t the answer they were expecting, so naturally they would be taken aback when I reply them with a negative.
I work from home because I’m a full-time writer so you can say that I have enough time for my child while I also work on moving my career forward. I write for a lot of people and I’m an editor too, I’m always having something to work on, deadlines to meet and conferences to attend. Yet I have a 2-years old boy who knows how to play by himself and likes reading for fun.
There are times when my work requires that I be away from my son for some time, whether writing in another silent place in town to find inspiration and be undisturbed to meet deadline or I travel to another state or country to attend a meeting, cover a story or to interview someone about my new book for some days.
And it’s surprising that when I do something that doesn’t remotely have anything to do with my son, or I don’t take him everywhere I go, I will be asked if I miss my son. And the look on their face when they ask that how can I possibly handle being away from my kid makes me wonder if he’s supposed to be my handbag.
I tell them what they want to hear and that is “It’s very hard to be away from him, in fact, I can’t wait to be home” While some of my answers are true, if I were to tell the truth; it’s not hard at all.
I love what I do, I love my job and I love the excitement and the fulfillment I get from working and earning something from what I love doing.
And if I were to tell them that when I’m working on a book, interviewing someone about my book, in a meeting or conference, I am not thinking of my child, what will they say? They’ll judge me and say I’m a bad mom (you’re prolly thinking the same) But what I do is concentrate on the task ahead of me, and when I’m doing something that I love doing, I feel alive and content knowing that I’m doing something for myself.
And I must add that I look forward to the time I spend away from him, not because he’s overwhelming or troublesome but because, my child is not my only life, I have a career, friends and projects ahead of me, all of which makes me feel like I’m living. I love my child so much, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t spend time away from him with people and doing things that I love.
Therefore, again, I don’t miss my child when I’m away from him.
The truth is, most mothers feel the same way, but we are afraid to say it because we don’t want to be judged. And it’s funny that when fathers go to work, they are never asked if they miss their children while in the middle of their work.
Yet a mother is made to feel like she has to regret and feel guilty about the decision she made to work and make a life for herself, she is made to feel like she ought to be wishing she were home with her child, probably as a stay-at-home mom. But if she decides to work, then so be it., she’s doing what’s best for her and her family.
For me, I’m not just working to provide for my family, I’m working because my career makes me feel fulfilled, makes me proud of myself and what I’m capable of achieving and I don’t think that’s something I should be judged for.
And when a voice speaks guilt into my heart, I tell myself I don’t need to feel guilty. Afterall, I love and care for my child, anytime I’m home I give him extra love and care. So I silence the voice.
Indeed, there are times when I miss my son when I’m not with him, but that never happens when I’m working. It happens when I just bade him goodbye or sometime before I see him. It’s a feeling like “I just can’t wait to see him again” and when I leave him, I think about him. When I start working, I focus on the moment, my new love, my job.
There’s no rule that said you can only love one thing at a time. I can love my husband, my child, my job, my parents, and my friend and give each one the attention they deserve when they need it the most. If I make my son my achievement, how fulfilled am I? Partly, because I’ll still be yearning to make something of my life other than being a mother.
If you ask me if I miss my son, I’ll tell you what you want to hear, but you won’t hear the truth from me. The truth is I love my son, but he’s not the only love I have. I love and feel accomplished taking care of other things besides my son. Yet I love him with everything I am. Mothers, there’s nothing wrong in that, don’t judge me, and don’t be afraid you’ll be judged.
Comments
Comments
