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No, I'm not insane, even though it sounds strange, I was pretty much unhappy in my marriage.
Another word to describe how I felt in that marriage is miserable. I was so unhappy so much so that throughout the 24 hours in a week, I'm consumed with unhappiness. And while I'm languishing in unhappiness, I will be convincing myself that I've not fallen out of love with my husband, we were just going through a tough time in our marriage. And when I lie in my bed at night consoling myself that in 13 years time, my daughter will be 18, then I can finally leave and be happy.
So many times, my husband and I had talked about divorce but when I think about how young my daughter was I would bail out, telling him I can't go through with the divorce. My reasons were not selfish, I just didn't wnt to have to explain to my daughter that the reason why she has two homes is that mummy was bored, ripping our family apart will also be tough on her.
My stepson was raised by me from age 4-12, and if we were to have a divorce now, and he's at that age where the divorce will impact him negatively, and although I'm not his mum, we both love each other, and we have a good relationship. So I was enduring in my unhappy marriage because of my love for my children.
I can remember the date and time, it was on December 24th when my husband's mistress called me, they met on Badoo.com and she called to let me know that she and my husband have been having an affair for two years now. She went ahead and told me how they would fuck in my matrimonial bed while I was at work; how they spent the weekend at my house when I went to my hometown for my grandma's funeral.
She also told me she spent a week at my house when I went with my daughter to visit my mother-in-law. What really got to me was when she told me she has met my daughter. Yeah, you read right. My husband was dumb enough to meet up with his mistress at a park, while they talked, my daughter and her daughter played together.
Immediately I heard all this, my heart sank, and as angry and heartbroken as I was, I didn't fail to realise that this was, my chance to get out of this marriage without feeling guilty. The night I found out about the affair, I threatened to wound him if he came home, so he stayed at a hotel. A month after, I moved out of our home.
Four months later, our divorce was final. It's been 11 months now after I divorced him, and I couldn't be happier, I am happier now than I've ever been in 8 years. Now that I realise how much of my life I've wasted with the man, I blame myself. Now I'm free, no one to monitor my every move while cheating, no one to lower my self-esteem with their unthinking comments, no one to tell me what to cook every night even though it's not convenient.
Although I have days that I'm sad and angry which often happens when I think about how naive I was to who he really is, but those are reducing now with time. I have forgiven him though I haven't forgotten, I forgave him so I can have peace. I'm trying to be a better person, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I have a new vision, to be a better mum, friend, daughter, sister, and person that I can be, a blessing to the people that meet me.
And my ex? He's fine I guess, living with his badoo lover. He hasn't apologised, and I'm not holding my breath because that's okay. If I look at it from another perspective, he did me a favour, he freed me from the bondage of boredom, unhappiness, low self-esteem and failure that I put myself through my marriage with him. I am now living the life I've wanted to live, 13 years ago before I ever thought I could.
If you are in an unhappy home like mine, don't wait before something drastic happens before you act, I didn't support divorce either, but when you are in an unhappy marriage, it might even be hard to achieve your vision.
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