We were formally staying in a one bedroom apartment when we had my first baby, we were comfortable with the way we live. The baby had a crib he sleeps in and we sleep in our bedroom. As my baby grew older and I was pregnant with my second baby, we knew we had to get a more accommodating place for the entire family. We were able to get a two-bedroom apartment when the baby came and I decided the children will be sharing a room while my husband and myself will be having the other. But the problem was the master bedroom was upstairs while the other room I’ve assigned for the kids is downstair.
There is no way we will leave the kids sleeping all by themselves in a new apartment, so we decided since I will have to feed the baby at intervals, I should stay with them in the room below. And we settled for that. At first, I find it comforting that I have all the massive bed to myself, I could sleep without getting little kicks from my husband, no more snoring sound disturbing my sleep as a light sleeper, no more big thighs weighing me down in the name of cuddling. I had all the duvet to myself, I don’t have to share with anyone or arguing on which side of the bed I would sleep on. It was really comforting for the first few months and I’m sure my husband felt the same way.
But after several months of sleeping all by myself, it was beginning to tell on my marriage, sometimes freedom isn’t all it is cracked up to be. After about few month apart, my husband and I noticed the giant wall between us on an emotional level. We strive to keep our marriage strong, not just for our kids, but our own personal happiness, too. Yet not sleeping together was doing just the opposite over time — brick by brick, we were building up a wall between us, and it made us feel more disconnected than ever. Suddenly, we were bickering more, were less intimate, and we were choosing to spend less time together in general. We were becoming roommates, literally only sharing common areas.
We realized this and decided it’s time we do something about it before we become cohabitating strangers. Since the children are much older now, we decided I will move back to our room and leave the kids in their room, we will be taking turns to check up on them. I’ve really missed my husband thigh over my body or what he sounds like when he snores. All those months of experimenting taught us something about ourselves I’m not sure we would have otherwise learned. Sometimes, we do need space to rejuvenate and get better sleep or independence; but coming back together is important, too. Just like with our children, space gives us time to refresh and treasure what we most love about them.
But mostly, we learned to value each other’s nearness, regardless of the small prices we have to pay for it — like slightly interrupted sleep.
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