Most people get a divorce because they don’t try to save their marriage. I agree that some marriages are just doomed to fail, but if there’s any chance at all that something can be done to save your marriage, put your best into saving it.
Recently I was having a talk with my oldest son Jason, and he confided in me, “You know dad, my greatest fear is that you and mum will get a divorce” But as I grew up, I thought maybe getting a divorce is the best solution, for you were always at each others throat.” Patting me on the back, he said, “It’s a relief that you sorted out your differences.”
Looking back now, I remember how my wife and I struggled to make our marriage work. After we got married we discovered we are two poles apart, and the longer we were married the more our differences increased. We never agree on anything and I wonder what initially drew us together.
We both are hard working so I’m not surprised that we became successful and rich in no time, that didn’t make our marriage any easier, though. It even made it worse, being away from each other became a relief. We were always fighting that it became hard for us to be together without disagreeing.
More than once, we discussed getting a divorce, we were on the path of getting a divorce. I was on a business tour when I had another fight on the phone with Linda and she hung up on me. I was angry and frustrated and I hated my ever marrying her, I then turned to God in prayer. I shouted at God and blamed him for allowing me marry such a witch for a wife and that I can’t continue in this nightmare called marriage anymore.
I hate the idea of divorce, but marriage with Linda was hell on earth for me. Is that how marriage was meant to be? I asked myself “hard and hateful?” We are both good people and we got along well before marriage, so what’s wrong?
I wept. While I was crying, a thought came to me, if you can’t change her, why don’t you change yourself? And I realized maybe that’s the solution, I prayed to God to help me change if I can’t change her.
The second day I went home to my wife, no “welcome” from her. We went to bed, backing each other. So close, yet apart. I was inspired to save my marriage so I knew what to do.
The next day I went to meet her “Morning sweetheart, how can I help you today”
Suprised Linda replied “You can’t help, I got it all covered”
“But I really wish to help you,” I said
“Why are you suddenly offering to help?” she asked bemused
“Because I want to make my sweetheart’s day less stressful” I replied
“Go clean the kitchen, if you want to make yourself useful,” She said, looking at me as if I’m suddenly leprous
She was probably expecting me to say I can’t do such a petty chore but instead I stood up to clean the kitchen. Humming softly to myself I went finished the cleaning.
The next day I asked her the same thing and she responded “Clean the bedroom”
I was expecting a less tasking chore since I already have a heavily scheduled day, and she knows so she said that to annoy me. I swallowed my anger and went ahead to do the task. I was on the cleaning for two hours. And she was confused.
When I asked her the same question the next day, she screamed, “Nothing, you can’t help me with anything. And stop saying that please”
“I’m sorry I can’t do that, there has to be something I can help with. I’ve sworn to myself that I’ll always try to make your day better from now on”
She was speechless “What has come over you?”
“Because I care about you, and I want badly for our marriage to work, so I’m trying”
And I kept saying that to her every day, and I did everything she asked me to do. After two weeks, she broke down. I asked her the question like every other day and then she broke into tears. I held her tight, when she finally opened her mouth to speak she said “Please stop trying so hard, the problem is not with you. I’m the one, I’m hard to live with, why do you even bother to stay with me?”
I lifted her chin so she can look into my eyes while I talk, “I’m doing this because I love you, and I want what we have to last” I said. OS “How can I make your day better?”
She responded “It should be my turn to ask that”
“I know, but right now, I’m the one that needs to change. It’s the only way I can show you how much you mean to me”
She touched my cheek tenderly and responded “I’m sorry I’ve been making your life miserable”
“And Gawd! how I love you,” she said.
“I love you so much,” I replied.
And that was the beginning of a new dawn in our relationship. That day we went out to celebrate the rebranding of our marriage. I didn’t stop asking her how I could make her day better, then she began her own line, “how can I be a better wife?”
That was how the walls between us crumbled. We started talking about how to make each other happy. We talked about our dreams and everything from our children to our family and it was just like talking to an old friend. We still had problems and we still fight, but it’s rare. And the nature of our fights changed when we fight we don’t hurt each other in words or deed anymore. .
This last week, Linda and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. My wife is not only my love but also my friend. I like her, I want her and I need her. We still have differences, and that’s what made us stronger.
There’s a lot to life, parenthood, marriage, keeping fit and having someone to love and share your moments with makes life easier to live in. Having a partner to share your happy and sad moments with is a great thing.When you have someone who loves your imperfection perfectly helps, you begin to love yourself more.
I believe there’s one thing or two that you can learn from our marriage experience. The question everyone who is committed to making their relationship work is this “how can I make your day better?” That’s what I call “love.” Wanting so much to make your other half happy.
When you really love you will desire their happiness, even at the expense of your own. Your spouse is different from you, but you should learn to tolerate them.
Not everyone will have a major breakthrough in their stumbling marriage like we did. I’m not even saying all marriages can be saved, some are not worth saving. But I’m happy today that I was inspired to try and I was able to save my marriage. Now my wife is happy, my children are grown, and I’m content in life.
If you still believe in your marriage and you want so much for it to work, you can also try your best and put the rest in prayer.
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