Having A Baby - Fantasy Versus Reality

1. Visitors after birth

Fantasy: You've fantasised about how you'd happily welcome visitors into your home as they come in to greet the newborn.  Then you'd smile tiredly as they gaze into the eyes of the newborn adoringly then congratulate you and your husband on the birth of your baby.

Reality: "What now?" "They have the wrong timing ever. After 8 hours of painful labour, all I want to do right now is rest,"  You simply don't feel up to having a chit-chat with the visitors and you probably wish they will just finish their business and start going as soon as possible. Word of advice, leave your family members to take care of them, sleep first.

2. Breastfeeding

Fantasy: Breastfeeding can't be hard, is it not just to bring baby's mouth to my breast?

Reality: Your breast milk didn't come in immediately, your husband had to suck it before it did. Your baby couldn't latch on properly and he cries and screams in hunger, then you start sobbing, feeling like a horrible mother and you begin trying different positions. Ask for help if you're having trouble getting the hang of it.

3. Post-baby bodies

Fantasy: If all those celebs can get back to their post-baby shape, why can't you right? It's definitely possible to get back in shape as soon as possible after birth. All it takes is determination.

Reality: You still have a big belle 7 months after giving birth, which made people speculate if you're still pregnant. And when a friend at the market asks you "When are you due" you would want to punch her in the face. Take it easy, remember it took a whole 9 month to get all that weight, so you might want to give yourself time to lose the weight.

4. Having a baby won't change our relationship 

Fantasy: We both made the baby and it shouldn't divide us, if anything, it should bring us together.

Reality: All your time is spent on taking care of the baby, and you are angry with your husband that while you do night vigils at night, all he does is sleep, not minding that you aren't getting any sleep. Then you begin to vent out your anger on him. The thought of getting romantic and lovey-dovey is erased by the baby issues.

5. Full of good intentions....

Fantasy: "I won't allow my baby watch TV until she's old enough, I won't let her put dirty things in her mouth, and I'll breastfeed my baby exclusively for 6 months."

Reality: Now you know otherwise. You know it's easy to make rules before you actually have to use them. When you realise you won't be able to get anything done if you don't drop them in front of the TV once in a while.  No mom is perfect so it's nothing to feel guilty about.

6. I'll do just fine...

Fantasy: I know it's a big challenge, but the first three days will be the toughest, after that I'll adjust." That's you talking.

Reality: After the third day, things didn't get better, in short, it got worse. Baby didn't sleep throughout the night, he keeps fussing and you are so worried something is wrong. Then you burst in tears, you cry when your baby cries, and when he doesn't poo or poos too much you are afraid. Is that your way of doing fine? Don't give yourself an ultimatum on when to adjust, let it come naturally.

If you're worried about how you are feeling, ask for help.