The greatest regret I have is losing myself completely after becoming a mother, sadly my marriage and husband were the ones that bore the brunt of it. Children are meant to strengthen the bond of a family but that's only if you try, as for me, immediately my boy came I tossed my husband to the side, although at that time I didn't realise that was what I was doing.
At that first moment when we gazed into the eyes of the newborn together, we felt so much love for the little life we have created and for each other, but in the crazy weeks and months that followed, things changed. I wish that that moment, I had someone to advice me to keep the fire burning and hold the fort.
At the beginning I had doubts, I was afraid of sucking as a mom and I never discussed this with him, immediately he carries baby Leo and he starts to cry I won't give them a minute with him, I'll immediately collect the baby from him, gradually I started excluding him from bonding with our baby.
When baby's cries was too much, I moved to the other room and left him in the master bedroom even though he never complained that being woken up is a problem, I didn't discuss it with him either, I just thought it was the right thing to do.
After my mom left (his mom is dead), I should have hired a maid but just didn't feel the need to and so I had to get everything done all by myself, by the time he gets home, baby would be asleep but I'd be too tired even to stand up and give him a proper welcome.
When baby Leo was about 3 months old, hubby started pestering me for sex, but I hated my body and couldn't imagine barring it to him during love making so night after night I would have an excuse for him not to touch me, it's either I'm too tired today or having a headache the next, then he stopped asking altogether and instead of being worried, I was relieved. I gave myself two more months to work on my body after which my body should have gotten back to normal.
Sleeping in different rooms, being asleep by the time he gets back home, always having nothing else to talk about other than baby and not having sex finally started taking it's toll on my marriage, everything was different yet it was so hard to take it back to the ay it was before.
By the time I finally realised something was wrong, it was too late........ I wish I had seen the signs, I wish I hadn't deprived my husband of sex for so long (6 months), I wish I had cared more, talked more and listened to him more, he lost his best friend in me and looked for another friend who turned our marriage upside down.
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