We are often of the opinion that beating and punishing children when they go wrong is the best way to mould them into better individuals but is that really the answer? Yes we didn’t turn out bad but if we want to be honest with ourselves we’d recognise that there are some things we wished our parents had done differently.
So spanking and punishing children isn’t always the answer;
1. Be in charge of your emotions
If you can’t set your emotions right, don’t expect your children to do the same, when you are angry, instead of acting rashly or yelling, don’t act at all. Take a deep breath, calm down then talk or act.
2. Show empathy
If your child is having some sort of feelings frustrated, feeling cheated, annoyed or whatever his feelings are, instead of expecting them not to react. Stop them from behaving badly by taking charge of the situation and if he starts throwing tantrums, leave him. Let him work through his emotions, when’s he’s done, talk him true it. “You were angry because…..abi?” is a good way to start.
3. Lead so they can follow
You need to lead them by the hand, just like you had to potty train them until at a point they were able to do it on their own, so also you need to start principle wise. Say “thank you, Sorry” Be kind and empathetic, be apologetic when wrong, be caring and think of everyone first before yourself. Do not yell!
4. Connect before you correct
When your child goes wrong, try to connect with them by maintaining an eye to eye contact with them and talking to them “you are feeling cheated abi?” Was that why you’re angry?” The fact that you are able to relate with his emotion is a good reason for your child to calm down and talk to you.
5. Set limits
There are some rules you should insist on not bending, but always look at things from your child’s perspective too. When kids feel you understand them they are more likely to adhere to the rules. So why not give them a choice? Instead of “Don’t play ball!” tell them “You can go and play ball outside but don’t push each other”
6. Make them clean up their own mess
Don’t ever clean up when they mess up, let them do it themselves. Did they spill water on the floor? Don’t yell, get them to clean it up make them feel no shame or blame. Just make them take responsibility for their actions. Did he beat his friend or sister? Make him apologise and hug them, do not coarse him into doing this, talk him into it.
7. There’s a reason behind his misbehaviour
Even though you think his behaviour is terrible, he did it for a reason and is probably feeling bad on the inside already, think about what his reason might be, and use it to eliminate that behaviour.
8. Be positive
If you’ve noticed that your child says no a lot that’s probably because you do too. If you ask your child to do something in a loving and excited tone, they’d want to do it. So instead of saying “No” say “Yes” instead.
“Yes we have to wash the plates now, and yes it’s okay for you to grumble about it but when we are done you can watch TV and yeah washing is so going to be fun with you”
Remember to reconnect with your child everyday by giving them some minutes to have a heart to heart talk every single day and you also should be compassionate. Show me an aggressive child and I’ll show you one whose parents are aggressive and indirectly taught him to be too, show me a compassionate child and I’ll show you one whose parents are kind, compassionate and taught him to open his heart. Disciplining your toddler
Finally, connect with your child always, it’s the key.
Image via: Sheknows
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