I picked the call of Funmi my bestie and it was a long time before I could understand what she was saying on the phone “could you believe he was airing our dirty linen in public, people who don’t know us are now putting their mouth into our matter” “Calm down” I kept telling her. Knowing her, she’ll give her husband hell when he gets home, “but aren’t you doing the same thing by talking to me?” I asked, that was when she calmed down.
Most of us get married with the hope that our spouse will be our best friend but when that doesn’t happen in marriage we seek the advise of people we believe can better tell us how to handle the situation, but is this really helpful in marriage?
These days, broadcasting our feelings online has become the norm. In fact, social media platforms have become the venue of choice for rants about politics, entertainment, and personal matters.
If you find your husband complaining about you on social media what will you do?
I believe that if it’s kept as anonymous and no on knows who you are it’s perfectly fine, after all, he did that because he’s confused and he cares about our marriage.
But this is what other moms have to say;
Etini said “I’ll be deeply hurt if he does this, after all, we are supposed to be good friends to each other so it’s better to talk out matters than running away from them and complaining on social media”
But most women wouldn’t really mind;
Nifemi says “I’ll have a talk with him about why he didn’t talk to me instead of going to social media. And I’ll try and change where change is needed instead of making an issue out of it”
Grace is okay with it too “Although I’d rather he come talk to me first, but I see no big deal in that, after all I’ve asked various questions on forums on all kinds of issues and they are usually very helpful, so I understand”
Adebola believes that “Seeking the opinion of people who have been in the same situation you are in can help you sort out your feelings and better find solutions to your problems so it’s totally okay,” but I’d prefer he talk to me first before asking others outside the relationship”.
Helen who is supports other mothers opinion says “Although it’s important that couples communicate with each other, he might be unsure of how you’ll react or even confused as to how to handle a matter which is why he decides to share with others” “Instead of getting angry, make him know you are willing to listen at all times”
It’s deadly to be sweeping issues under the rug and not addressing them, it might make you bitter and unhappy so it’s okay to talk whether to your spouse or to others but you should also know that some things should be kept in the family, not shared with your family members or friends.
When you are having issues in your family know these two things
1. Face it instead of avoiding it
Avoidance won’t work, if you are angry, calm down before talking or reacting so you can think up a better way to approach the matter and you can only do that when you can think straight. But do not avoid the matter totally, resentment may build up. Ancd when that happens, your rage can be hot and harmful because emotions you have stored in instead of letting them out will all come out in full force. Talk about issues please!
2. Be blunt and direct
Although you may try to sweeten up bad news or critical comments so you don’t hurt your spouse’s feelings, it may create undue stress, instead say it the way it is, get the bad news out of the way and end it with the good so you can effectively communicate your feelings. For example, “I don’t like the Ofiakpu soup you make, in short they taste like sawdust, and even though you are good in making other soups, ofiakpu is not one of your best ones”. Point is subtly noted.
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