Sometimes it can be so lonely being a single mom, but it’s likely that I’ll always be a single mom.
My mother once called me one day and said; “How are you coping alone Tracy? I feel like you are so lonely, find a man, life is easier to live in when you have love”
These were the words of the mother that carried me in her womb for 9 months, and I respect and cherish her so much. Her words are wise sayings and she called to tell me I’m the last of her children to find love, and how much I’m missing out because I’m not in love.
But what’s a woman to do? It’s not like I can just pluck off love from any tree, it’s as elusive as the north wind. And tried as I might, I just can’t find the right man who will love me for who I am.
To be honest, I’ve told her that I might never get married. It’s not like I don’t like the idea of being in love and being loved, it’s just that I want so much, and most of these men have very little to offer. I’m already 35 years old and so far I’ve not had any great relationships.
And in truth, I know I will probably always be a single mom and I’m not just being pessimistic, these are my reasons for saying so:
1. I’m not Really lonely
I know it can get lonely on the rainy nights when everybody shouts ‘weather for 2’, but I don’t sleep in a cold bed. I cuddle my sweet daughter, and we cuddle each other in our sleep. And even though my mom is convinced that I’m lonely, I’m not. I have amazing friends who are always there for me, and a beautiful daughter who is the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean she’s a movie that I watch every day and watching her grow is not boring for me. We are always going out together, making plans on what to do for fun with my friends, and she’s my best friend. And to tell the truth I’ve never been so fulfilled and content in my life.
2. I’m very picky
I’m very picky with men, seriously I hardly find a man who I won’t find a million fault with. And I must admit that when I was 18 or so, I was in town and I rocked it. And throughout all that time, there were only two men that I really had a connection with. So it’s very hard for me to find someone that I can picture spending the rest of my life with. And I can’t settle for just any man, it has to be a man that gives the butterflies (winks) and I can’t remember the last time I met someone like that.
3. Internet dating sucks
The internet is what affords me the opportunity to meet different men, but most of them are so fake, dang! I’m tired of them all. All they want to do is eat, collect money from me and run, imagine!
So where else am I supposed to meet people? I’m a woman saddled with the sole responsibility of taking care of a toddler, I work at home and all my friends are married so they can’t link me up with any of their friends because all of their friends are married too. You see my dilemma?
4. I have trust issues
I think you would understand why that is so, I mean I’ve met a lot of men in my life, and they’ve all taught me a lot, each lesson from each person, and I’ve never really had a healthy relationship. I’ve already worked on buildin g trust in people, I just found it hard really to do so. I’m happy, stable and successful and the thought of bringing a man into my life that’ll come and disrupt all that is not accepted. The people who have entrusted my herat into their hands in the past were the very people who squeezed it until it bled. Now I find it hard to forget that and find soemoene to love me forever, I just feel all men have an ulterior motive.
5. I want the fairytale
I’ve seen a lot of lovey-dovey couples around, and I’ve seen healthy relationship that I want for myself. And I’ve waited so long I deserve nothing but the best. And what exactly do I want in a man? Not much, I need a man that is ready to love my daughter as his own, who loves kids and is ready to have so many of them with me, who is ready to help with the overwhelming house chores. A man who is smart, lively and funny, sexy, and ambitious. A man who gives me butterflies anytime I set my eyes on him believes in me and challenges me is the man I want. Did I hear you say “In your dreams?” To sum it all up, I want too much. And I’m sure that the picture I have in my head of the perfect man for me cannot be found in humans.
6. My daughter will always come first
I’m sure you think my expectations of a man for me is too impossible, but wait until I tell you my expectations of a man who will act as a father to my daughter. I don’t want a man who will spoil everything I’ve built between my daughter and me. I’m scared of marrying a man that will be secretly abusing my daughter or who will treat her bad. And as much as I want her to grow up and know a man as her father, I don’t want to choose wrong, I don’t want a man who is not worthy of being a father to her. And that’s why I’m being careful.
7. I dress for comfort
I dress for comfort, not for fashion. Maybe I should say I’ve given up or maybe it’s because I have a toddler to take care of. And although when going out, I clean up well but I know I don’t put enough effort. What I wear most time is my T-shirt and trousers, and no make-up when I’m taking my child to school. When I’m going out with my friends and daughter I dress up, but not that kind of “I’m single and searching dressing” I’m sure you know what I mean.
I’m a go-getter, and if I really want a man in my life, I know how to get them. But I’m not just sure I want that, a man that will bring insecurity into my almost-perfect world is the last thing I need. If love comes, I’ll embrace it, but I’m not optimistic about this. And that’s why I’ll probably always be a single mom
Sorry to disappoint you, mom, I promise I’ll make it up to you by being a good daughter.
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