The long dark only days are here and I’ve been holding my ground, and it’s not just for me, but my daughter needs me and even though I’ve not gotten over the hurt of my failed marriage I still have to be strong for her.
Now I’ve learnt that every woman should do something with her “today” so that they’d be prepared for “tomorrow’s slippery ground.
I never for once thought the future I had in sight could just fall apart in a twinkling of an eye, and when I recently learnt that my friend has decided to give up her managerial post at a big company to become a full-time mum, I became inspired to write this.
I can’t believe anyone would give up their career and be left with no financial support if the husband later decides to leave her and her children in search of sweeter “pastures”.
It’s not like I have anything against being a full-time mums, I just don’t want anyone else to fall into the hopeless state I fell into after my marriage crashed.
What really surprised me about her decision was that her company allows for flexibility in their work schedule and she also had knowledge of what happened in my marriage and I thought it would serve as a lesson to her and everyone else who knew our story, but maybe imagining the worst is hard when you are still young and full of life.
I couldn’t say anything to her because it’s not my place, but when my daughter gets married and decides to be a full-time mum, here are the things I’d like her to know;
1. Even if you want to be a full-time mom after having kids, find a way to upgrade your resume by working part time. So that when the unexpected happens, your chances of getting a job will be high.
2. Look for jobs that’ll allow you have time for your family while also adding to yourself. It could be temporary or contract jobs.
3. If you can’t work, further your studies by earning an advanced degree. Go for your masters if you already have your BSc, part-time study is cheaper and allows you have time for your family.
4. If you choose to work part-time or full-time, open a savings account and save, no amount is too little or big.
5. Draw up a postnuptial agreement with a lawyer. It might make you look like a gold digger, but it will hold back your husband from going astray and also prevent you from going broke if your husband decides to follow his dick instead of his head in search of “sweeter” pastures.Talk about this first and be reasonable.
When you become a full-time mom, by the time your children are grown and you decide to go back to the work force, you have to start all over again. And it will be a long tie before you can begin earning a respectable salary.
It’s important that you be financially self-sufficient, so that if you find yourself without a husband, you’ll be able to survive. Being a parent comes with sacrifice, but financial self-sufficiency isn’t something you want to ignore.
When I found out my ex-husband was having an affair after 10 years of marriage, I didn’t think twice before ending it, when it seemed he wasn’t ready to let go of the other woman. It was a tough decision, and I had a hard time getting back on my feet but I did.
Most women who suffer and manage in a bad marriage do it mostly because they are financially dependent on their husband, and if they leave him, they are afraid of how they’ll cope.
When I was growing up, my mother taught us to grow up and become doctors, not only to dream of marrying a doctor. She kept nurturing us to be self-sufficient and I’m happy she did, I think all mothers should teach their girl child not to marry rich, but aspire to be rich.
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