Whenever this question comes up in my marriage, I always end up losing the battle because my husband will be quick to remind me he is the one bringing in the fat pay cheque and it is a question that comes up almost every month because when II get angry at my husband for not showing up for anything and he will remind me work won’t permit him. We are having a variation of a fight that we’ve been having since early parenthood.
There are a host of reasons why it seems like my husband’s job is more important. He makes more money, serves as a leader, has a staff of staff at his beck and call and wears 2 pieces suits everyday to work. He also travels several times a month, the travel makes him seem extra important because he has to fly across the country for meetings, briefings, interviews and parties. While he’s gone, I’m the one who stays home with sick kids, figures out every meal and I don’t get to catch a break.
As for my work, it is more solitary, flexible and way less prestigious. I have the kind of job that requires me to get all my work done, but I don’t have to deal with people along the way. It is a small company that all I have to do is simply put my head down and do the work. I rarely travel, sit on conference calls or get hauled into meetings. It’s certainly not my dream job, but it’s a great job for a full-time working mother because of the flexibility and relatively low stress.
I appreaciate it because it gives room for a working mother. I choose this job because of that and it would be more flexible and would allow me to show up for my kids PTA meetings or Inter-house sport or any other school activities.. I settled for a lower a pay, a prestige hit and stepped off the corporate ladder in the name of balancing motherhood, career and sanity. And while I do not make the big cheque and my job description would literally put you to sleep, I still have to show up and do it 40 hours a week. So, it’s not a total cake walk for me to step away so I can show up for the kids.
Everything that makes my job tolerable as a mother makes it unbearable as a wife. The flexibility that makes it possible to be there for my kids means I will always lose the coin toss with my husband. His role at his job is more vital than my role at mine, so when there’s a conflict, his professional needs supercedes mine. It is something we will always have agruements about, for once, I would like my husband to take a break from his veeeerrry important job and attend the PTA meeting and see how annoying that meeting can be. Not because I can’t do it anymore, but because it would be nice to be the parent who gets to have an uninterrupted workday and to know that someone else is on deck. It would be nice, for once, to have the more important job.
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