Lessons I Learnt From Losing My Baby At Birth
I was hoping for a girl child as firstborn but that didn't make me less happy when I gave birth to a boy. When my son Bode clocked 2, we decided to try for another baby and was in luck. I got pregnant with my second child and luckily it was a girl, I was super-excited.
And I was even more excited because this adorable little one inside me would be the only grandchild on both sides of the family (my husband and I). I'm sure you can relate with how excited I was.
My morning sickness had levels, I couldn't take any sort of draw soup which was my best soup prior pregnancy and I was always throwing up most of the food that goes into my tummy.
But morning sickness was normal, besides, the scan didn't reveal that anything was wrong so there was no reason for us to panic.
The Friday before travelling, I went in for a checkup, there was an issue with the baby's positioning, the doctor said she was lying on her back but it's possible that she turn before the D-day.
We travelled on Saturday, and that Sunday was my birthday, we all went to church. That day wasn't one of my best days though, Bode was stooling and vomiting, my husband casually joked about my son catching the pregnancy fever.
Notwithstanding, I had to work, the family is having a get-together and as the small wife I just couldn't sit around and do nothing. I didn't pound the yam though, and I tried not to do the bulk of the work.
In the evening, we were cleaning up the things we used when my water broke, and I quickly went to the toilet to pee, there, I passed out a big blood clot and it was weird because it was so big. Before my contraction could begin I told my husband "we have to go" And he immediately instructed his brothers to pack up our things and meet us at the hospital. We drove down to Lagos from Ogun state.
When we got to the hospital, 2 hours later, my contraction started. By this time, it was already midnight. I was taken to the delivery room, then, a nurse came in to check my baby's heartbeat, and it seemed she was having a hard time finding it. I panicked.
Then, I noticed that there were more than 4 people in the room I knew something was wrong but they tried to calm me down.
"It's okay, we've found her hearbeat" (they only said this so I would push) I heard someone say, I calmed down a little. A few pushes and she was out. But something is wrong my mind registered yet again.
She was born with her eyes closed, not breathing, not crying.
They tried to give her CPR, then I started crying, "can someone tell me what's wrong with her" I asked repeatedly but got no response.
After 10 minutes that felt like forever, the doctor came to meet us "She's gone! I'm sorry we tried but we couldn't bring her back" Before he finished his statement, I relapsed into silence.
I woke up and I kept wishing it wasn't for real, "there was nothing wrong throughout my pregnancy, what happened?" I asked, still dazed.
I was given my dead baby wrapped in a white cloth, I wanted to memorise her features so I unwrapped the clothes and I stared at her beautiful form.
The doctor explained that she passed away 2 hours before birth he went ahead to explain that I suffered from "silent placental abruption." A clot in the placenta, meaning, it tore away from the uterus to block off Sarah’s oxygen supply.
My daughter was buried on new year eve, I didn't attend the burial ceremony but if there's one thing it taught me it's that I should be strong.
It strengthened the bond between my husband and I and taught us to accept what we can do nothing about instead of asking "why" because there'll be no answer and we might end up holding grudges with God (I was on the verge of that though).
I'm still trying to forget that cute adorable face and move forward, I'm holding off trying to conceive for now I want to give myself time to heal.
I try not to dwell on what could have been and focus on what I have. I love my husband and child fiercely and value life more tightly.
Spreading the love to family and friends is my thing now 'cause I learnt that there's only one minute between life and death, by sharing love, life is more meaningful. Maybe some day soon I'll be able to look at her photos without messing it up with my tears, her memory remains fresh in my heart still.