My Child Loss Story
We had always wanted three children so when I had my third pregnancy, my husband jokingly said "after this, we are sticking a stick into it" meaning we're getting a family planning which was fine by me since we already had 2 children.But when we found out we were having twins, that changed everything, while I was excited, my husband received the news with mixed feelings.
He had always wanted twins but that would change his plans for his children, now that I think about it, maybe we lost one of them because he didn't want one of them. Maybe...
I visited the doctor during the 28th week of my pregnancy and there I discovered I was pregnant with twins. When the scan revealed the image of a perfect baby I was relieved, the tech took a picture and as we were talking, my husband came in, he went to drop off the other two children at their tutorial class.
Then the techie said "I hope you guys are ready for twins?" my husband was the one that answered "twins ke, you're kidding right? I'll just go sit down there" But even before he turned the techie showed him, and with his eyes he saw two babies side by side on the screen. He kept shaking his head in disbelief, we were both surprised and excited.
It was also confirmed that they are both doing great. As if it were my first pregnancy, I read everything about twin pregnancy, did spin exercise so the babies will be in a head down position and I read every book I could find about twins.
I was so prepared to give my baby everything and yes, everything was going perfectly well. I was so excited about the prospect of having twins in my arms.
Towards the 37th week of my pregnancy I did a lot of shopping, cleaning and I tried to make space in the house for my cute little ones. I remember I didn't sit all through that day. That night as I slept I felt they weren't as active as before but when I checked for their heartbeat and it was strong as ever I calmed down. Maybe the space isn't enough for them both I rationalised.
But when I felt no kicks from any of them the next morning I knew something was wrong. I immediately packed for the hospital, I took everything I would have for a normal delivery in case they have to be born urgently.
At the hospital, they didn't tell me anything, I was just told that my children have to be delivered immediately. My husband came shortly, signed the necessary documents so things can get going. Then I was put to sleep during the whole procedure so I never knew what went wrong.
I woke up to see my husband beside my bed, the smile on his face told me everything was okay. It immediately calmed my raging nerves and I asked "where are they?"
Again he replied with a smile, "they have to be here a while, you know they were born prematurely." "I hope I can see them soon" I said again before I drift off to sleep.
Little did I know that one of them had already gone. My husband and the nurses made sure I never laid eyes on my child. We were advised to go home, a week after the naming ceremony of the twins I discovered one of them was given birth to dead and the other was struggling to live.
What I can never understand is why my husband kept the news from me, in his defense he said he was afraid I wouldn't have the will to live if I found out one of them was dead.
I wished he had at least allowed me say goodbye to the boy I lost and I cried as I cradled Dolapo to my bosom wetting her clothes with my tears. I have pictures taken of him and I see him every time I look at Dolapo but I wish, I wish I had met my little one before he was buried in the cold grave.
Someone said I should be grateful, I am, but what does she expect? That I'll feel less hurt because I have two children already and another was added to them? I'm grateful to God that Dolapo lives and I've learnt to count my blessings instead of my loss......