Empty Palms After 2 IVF
I held my hands up to heaven for children, my hands came back empty, not only my hands are empty, so is my heart, I can't feel it beat in my chest. IVF is one very costly procedure, and after saving up for years to get it done (twice), you can imagine how emotionally down I am when it failed. I was assured that IVF is usually successful, and I've seen testimonies, two of the women I know performed the procedure and they were about to put to bed before I finally decided I'd try.
Talking about this is supposed to help me heal quickly, but even as I write, I'm angry, angry at my lot in life, angry at the doctors who gave me so much assurance without knowing jack about nothing, angry at my body that keeps rejecting children despite the tricky ways used in planting them there, angry at the children who can't choose to stay even when all odds are against them, angry that I had to put all my life savings into something that never worked out, and lastly I wish I could be angry at my God, but what use will it be to be angry at my creator?
Angry at every freaking person including my friends (the ones whose procedure succeeded) who keep wanting to know how the procedure went, what exactly do they think? Shouldn't they know better not to ask? After all, if it were successful I wouldn't have to tell anyone, it's a glory that can't be covered.
When investigations were made, the previous miscarriages I've had in the past and the 2 I lost to IVF were caused by the anti-bodies fighting the foetus that led to the heat.
For now, I've been told to stop trying for a baby for at least 6 months so as to allow my body heal, not that I'm ready now anyway. I just wanna chill out and let things work out, I really hope it does 'cause man! Am I tired?
It's mysterious how I never experience this heat in my womb when I'm not pregnant but immediately I'm pregnant, the evil heat sent from the gate of lucifer to torment my soul will begin boiling my inside from my lower abdomen all the way to my back.
It has something to do with my immune system, so I guess the antibodies that are supposed to protect my body from harm are now doing my children ill, killing them before they are made and had a chance to live.
I'm not the only one, some other woman that I know, she had never been pregnant because sperms can't survive in her body due to the hot temperature of her body on the inside. And now we have formed soul sisters, and together I hope we can fight infertility and come out victorious, mothers to children who choose to live!